I feel like I have written this post in my head about 1,000 times. Every few
days these past two months, I began to think about how much had changed in my
life in 2015. I told Keith that I have dubbed 2015 “The Year of Change”. So many
things in our lives changed and besides Ryeland joining our family, most of the
other changes were unexpected and some even unimaginable. I decided to take some
time to write out what has been going through my mind over the past year.
Last year at this time, we were hoping and waiting and thinking and PRAYING
that little Ryeland would make his appearance. I had told myself he would be
here EARLY. Wow…was I ever wrong on that one! As the clock struck midnight and
2015 rang in, we realized that 2015 would bring many changes to our little
family. The days passed and each day I would leave work trying to finish all my
task just in case I went into labor that night. That was a LONG couple of weeks.
Finally they scheduled me to be induced and we started the long process of
birth! After 2 days our sweet Ryeland arrived at 1:24am, January 16. He was a
7lb 11oz bundle of joy.
The hospital stay was not what every new mother expects. Shortly after he was
born, he was rolled away to the NICU. He had a fever and issues with his
breathing. That began a long week in the NICU and lots of tears, stress and
worry. We didn’t get to have the normal birth experience and it was hard on both
of us. At the same time, it was a time where God really showed his love, grace
and faithfulness to Keith and I. It is hard enough becoming first time parents,
but adding in a NICU stay that was unexpected really made things so hard.
After that LONG week, we arrived home and began our life as a family of
three. Having a baby brings change to every aspect of your life, as I know all
the parents out there know. Over the past year it has been a blessing and joy to
get to have Ryeland in our lives and we love every minute of our life with him!
He is 100% the BEST change in our lives in 2015.
As we began to get used to being parents, another big change in my life
began. On January 9
th, I had a dream. Pregnant women are known for
having crazy and very vivid dreams. I had my share of them throughout my
pregnancy. I woke up that next morning literally in tears. I had a dream that
one of my best friends Artan had died. It was one of those dreams that seemed so
real, the emotions stuck with me when I woke and I couldn’t seem to shake them.
I had told my sister Madison that morning about it and that I couldn’t imagine
what that would be like. Artan, one of my dearest and closest friends, lived in
Kosova. I had met him back in 2006 when I lived in Kosova for the summer. Such a
shy highschooler back then, he had become a best friend of mine over the past
few years. He could not WAIT for Ryeland to be born and had joked with me on
December 31st that that was the day he had predicted Ryeland would be born. He
could not WAIT for Ryeland to come.
We spoke everyday over our favorite messenger app “Whatsapp”. On January
11
th, he told me that he had to be put in the hospital overnight for
some issue going on with his organs. I short of shrugged it off, just thinking
it was a bad case of food poisoning. I did not know at that time, it would be
the last time we had a conversation. I went in and had Ryeland a few days later.
Sending him short notes and pictures of course over Whatsapp, but I never heard
back from him. I knew he was sick, and just thought being in the hospital he
didn’t have internet or service or needed to add some credit on his phone. As
Keith and I came home and the craziness of new parenthood began to wear off a
little. I learned more about Artan’s condition. He was having liver failure and
his condition was very rare.
We all spent the next two months praying, hoping, crying, and doing all we
could from afar to help him. Many of us got together to create fundraising
campaigns and we were able to raise over $200,000 to move him from Kosova to
Germany to get to a better hospital there. There were conflicting reports and
one day it seemed like he would make it through and others he seemed like he was
on his last days. I did get one message from him mid March sending me a selfie.
He knew I loved them and he let me know he had seen all the pictures I had sent
him of Ryeland. That meant a lot because I knew how much he was waiting on
Ryeland to arrive. So it was a hard few months to say the least. I had a new
baby and the emotions of that are hard enough, then throwing in having my best
friend so sick, it was rough.
On March 19
th, around 2am, I got a call that Artan has passed. It
was shocking, it was unimaginable, it was in all honesty, devastating. I had
lost three grandparents over the past few years, but this was beyond what I
could formulate in my head. Probably because we spoke daily or maybe because he
was so young, only 25, I just took it so hard. There were so many who were
affected by the loss of Artan. Literally hundreds of people came out to his
funeral. He touched so many lives and never left people the same who knew him. I
was blessed with the 10 years I knew him and it has been a long year without
him. It has been just about a year since we spoke and had a conversation
together. It is a hole in my life that is still very empty.
God has taught me a lot over the past year with the loss of Artan. I have had
to lean on Him more than ever. I never expected ringing in the New Year in 2015,
that I would lose Artan. I never knew that the dream I had would come true. It
has been an unwelcome change of 2015 and I’m still working through the emotions
and feelings that have come with this loss in my life. I’m praying that God
would continue to use this for His glory and that He would continue to be my
strength and Joy during this season.
The final big CHANGE of 2015 was the position change for Keith. He had been
the Youth pastor at our church for just over three years, when he was asked by
our pastor to consider a move to become the Next Generation Pastor, which would
be working with Nursery-5
th instead of our current
6
th-12
th role. We had served in youth together for over 7
years and this was a big decision. Keith went ahead and took over the role and
it has been a whirlwind of changes, updates and lots of new faces and kids since
June of this year. It has been a great experience, but much different than the
work we did with the youth. I had been one of the leaders of the
6
th-9
th grade girls for three years. It was especially
hard for me to leave the girls in my small group. I had watched them grow and
change and it was hard for me to let that go.
Keith and I have really enjoyed working with the kids and really letting our
creativity run. We have put so many new things in to effect in the ministry and
it has been fun to see the newness of the ministry. Keith is great at what he
does and God has given him so many great qualities and gifts. It is a blessing
to get to serve alongside him in this big change.
Obviously there have been many other changes in our lives with my sister
having a baby and moving out of the state to my youngest sister going off to
college this past fall. This was the first year in 3 years I wasn’t able to go
to Kosova. This was the first year in almost 8 years that I wasn’t helping to
lead youth or adult worship (although I am singing and dancing with the kids).
So lots of changes in 2015 for sure!
I have been blessed this year so much by the birth of Ryeland, by the love of
my family, by really great friends and by God who continues to bless Keith and I
and show us His unfailing love day to day. Keith already joked and asked me what
2016 would be named. I have no clue! We’ve only been in it a few hours now. I
know that many things can change in a year and that anything can come our way. I
am blessed to have him by my side day to day. Here’s to 2016 and whatever might
come our way. I’m thanking God for his faithfulness through it all and that no
matter what, he never changes.
Recently Kaylee sent me a Facebook meme picture that showed the first child’s room vs the second child’s room. The first child’s room is all done up, having everything in its place, a perfect theme….Really designer looking. Then it shows the second child’s...Just a bed on the floor of a empty room with white walls.
